Last night the super lovely Harmony treated me to the premiere of Vladimir Martynov‘s new opera, Vita Nuova at the Royal Festival Hall. Neither of us had ever seen an opera before and weren’t quite sure what to expect. What we got was an amazing evening of absolute weirdness, helped along by paedophilia, death and disease. At least I think that’s what happened, we weren’t very sure on the plot (despite the english subtitles). The jist of the story was pretty much ‘don’t bother meeting that girl you have rude dreams about, she’ll only die on you.’
It went something like this…
Man: Oh my god, I just had the dirtiest dream about a girl. I should write some poems about it.
Shit, I can’t stop thinking about that dream, maybe should leave my wife.
Oohh look! There’s that girl from the dream, she’s well hot.
[Man turns to talk to girl]
Man: “alright darlin’, I had the filthiest dream about you.”
Girl: “erm… Who are you?”
Man: “you future lover sweetheart, we’re destined to be together.”
Girl: “I don’t know you.”
Man then gets ill, girl gets ill too. Girl dies. Man doesn’t.
Man: oh no. That’s not good, I well loved her.
Hang on though, let me do some maths… She was only nine years old!
I’m going to hell!
Cue lots of ‘forgive me Jesus’ music.
Well, that’s what I reckon happened. There was a bit about a man on a horse looking a bit sad, I’m not sure how that fits in with my plot. The whole thing was great fun though, London Philharmonic Orchestra was brilliant and we had a good giggle at the moody man who came on stage every 20 minutes for his wood block solo. Going to try and do more things like this, the tix are all super cheap on lastminute so I’m going to book up a truck load this week. Wooh!