I watch rather a lot of tv, no soaps or x factor, but instead a lot of food and fashion shows. Project Runway makes me giddily happy and anything with Gordon Ramsay in it keeps me daydreaming for weeks. I usually fall asleep by about half nine every night, so the sky plus box gets a good work out.
As we all know, the great thing about sky plus is that you can fast forward the adverts. A one hour show suddenly becomes about 40 minutes. Brilliant, more time for sleeping. I’d hope this would be 40 minutes of original content but more and more I’m finding that I’m really only getting about 15 minutes of actual new footage. Why oh why do we need a recap after the ad break of what happened three minutes before? I wasn’t so enraptured by the adverts to the point where I’d lost all memory of what had occurred before their glory hit my screen.
It seems that every show I watch follows this brain numbing pattern
Minute one: people getting it on wearing various coloured outfits. apparently this sells paint.
Three minutes in: previously on… lets watch some footage we’ve already seen.
The next two minutes: very long opening credits explaining the premise of the show that we’ve been watching for two months.
The next two minutes: coming up on… some drama scenes that give away the only interesting bits that the next hour will cover.
Ten – twelve seconds: actual new footage, usually made up of soundbites and voiceovers, with the occasional bit of library footage of London.
The next three minutes: coming up on… those same drama bits we saw five minutes ago.
Four minutes: adverts adverts adverts.
The next two minutes: a recap of the previous ten minutes, a description of the woman being made over or a reminder of the design challenge. These are things we were told about five minutes ago.
This continues on loop for the next hour until I’ve seen the same scenes at least eight times and have learned about Tracy’s life wearing black tracksuits to the point where by I am repeating ‘she just doesn’t feel as sexy as she did when she was 18’ in my sleep.
I’d like this to stop, please.
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