Big Yellow Tutu

September 28, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 1:47 pm

This Saturday is going to be amazing. My hands are shaking already. From now til then I shall be drinking lots of whiskey and lemon to get my vocal cords in good shape for some screaming, wooohing and singing. I shall be ultra conditioning my hair and painting my nails. And of course, will be listening to nothing but…


Yes yes yes. In the sunny borough of Wembley those lovely boys shall be entertaining me and the swish. Well, us and a few hundred thousand other people, but they don’t count. It’ll feel like they’re singing to just us.

I refuse to read any tour diaries with set list spoilers, all I hope is that theres nakedness and pyrotechnics. If there isn’t I shall just have to get the swish to dance naked round a match when we get home, and I’m pretty sure he won’t enjoy that.

To top it all off the boys of sexxx are also coming into work tomorrow, unfortunately its not for an MTV show so I can’t think of any reason that I can give for why I need to be in the studios. I might just sit in the foyer all day and wait for them. But just the idea that their little asses will be giggling about in a studio directly beneath my desk will keep me happy. If only we had see through floors. I’m going to wear something pretty tomorrow though, just in case I run into them. I hope I don’t only run into Tom, that’d be so disappointing.

The possibility of Frog afterwards for dancing to The Long Blondes to try and cling on to shreds of indie cred is looking good. Anyone else going?


September 26, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 5:51 pm

Oh, it was a lovely weekend. My mother always said I’d get bored of going to gigs and maybe she’s right. I didn’t really go out all weekend, save for a couple of whiskey and gingers after work on Friday. Instead I indulged in some sight seeing and housemaking.

After last week’s uber fun day out to the Natural History Museum this week we decided that the Science Museum would be a good choice this weekend. It was great, not as good as the Natural History because it was all ‘look how far man has come’ rather than ‘look at what we’ve destroyed nature wise’ but the Digitopolis bit was ace. It was a giant hall all about Digitalisation, mainly of sound. You could build your own web site with your fingerprint on it. This is mine…

I went home happy and made the best sausage and mash ever.

Sunday was a day of middle class boho life indulgence. We went to Columbia Rd flower market, bought some very lovely architectural spikey/fluffy plants; made proper stock and made some almost nice chicken mulligatawny soup. It was pretty much all organic. I’m so old beyond my years.

I do wish I earned twice as much though and could spend hundreds of pounds on food and whiskey. It’d be lovely. If only the amount of work I do every day corresponded with my pay packet. I can’t wait until I’m running Hits or TMF and have a pop filled, money filled life. I’d be so so happy.


September 23, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 3:15 pm

Love Bites


NME Rock Royalty my ass. If only they knew about my pop loving ways. Girls Aloud have definitely been played more times on my iPod than Test Fucking Icicles.

Me and The Swish are indulging in the freebie blagging ligger lifestyle and so last night ended up at a Gibson showcase that from the flyer looked like a smelly nerdy guitar boy jizz fest but on closer inspection had the lovely words Love and Bites written on it.

For those of you who don’t indulge in the world of pop Love Bites are a new all girl punk pop band, signed to Island (the home of the much missed Busted and the much creamed over McFly). They areAimee Haddon (16, lead guitar/vocals), her younger sister, Hannah Haddon (15, drums), Dani Graham (16, lead vocals/bass) and Nicki Wood (17, guitar/vocals). So yes, they are very very young.

They make noisy songs with lots of shared vocals and are fucking amazing. They sound a bit like The Chalets, just less kitsch and classy and more shouty and rawk. Nicki (the brown haired one) is my favourite. She’s very hot and pulls the most perfect guitar poses and lip curls you’ve ever seen.

My only criticisms are that Aimee looks a bit miserable most of the time, and Dani is a bit tarty looking and not very rawk. Aside from that they’re faultless.

The evening was lubricated with free booze and food. Shots of Jim Beam lined up in front of me were too good to resist and needless to say I got hammered. I remember talking to Ben from Rooster and my hands shaking while I was talking to him, and then feeding one of the caterers chocolate biscuit fingers dipped in whiskey. Oh dear. Swish and I ended up singing Tatu down Bethnal Green streets. In Russian of course, no lame English lyrics versions.

We collapsed into bed exhausted to look at the clock and see it wasn’t even half 10. Pop is clearly the new rock n roll. Bring on seeing McFly next weekend.


Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 2:36 pm

My Big Northern Adventure

Day Three

Another glorious lie in until 11am then a trip into sunny Liverpool. With only a few short hours until we had to get the train and lots of Liverpool that I wanted to see we decided that the best bet would be to consider our options over a sneaky double g&t in wetherspoons. The best use of limited time.

A short walk through the town centre and we found Albert Dock (though if you’re northern is Albadoch apparently). My heart was set on the Duck Boat, an old ex-army vehicle that tours Liverpool via the streets and river. Yes, it floats. Fuck knows how, it looks very heavy.

Another sneaky drink later and we find ourselves in the company of Americans, children and two crazy old men who run the tours. Its all very scripted but nonetheless cute, they even pretend that the boat engine fails when we go back up the slipway, so that we career backwards into the water very fast. Theres jellyfish in the Mersey too it seems.

I saw a street where Florence Nightingale used to live, a couple of cathedrals, a pub that looked like a boat and some water. All that Liverpool has to offer.

We glammed it up on the train home, buying a bottle of gin, some m&s cranberry and some actual glasses to drink them out of. None of this warm bottled water from the train shop malarkey for us. No sir.

We got home get pissed, very tired and wanting to collapse.

Things I have learnt about up north then…

1. They are brave and let children drive the duck boats. This does not result in deaths.
2. They love The Beatles and the outside of The Cavern looks very chavvy.
3. Mentioning slave trade must be done often, but with an awkward expression on one’s face.
4. You need not wash your hair often, and you must always remember the volume is bad when it comes to having long hair.
5. If you work on a Virgin train 16:48 is the same time as 16:08.


September 22, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 1:39 pm

My Big Northern Adventure

Day One & Two (More days to follow).

It should be said that my excitement levels about the weekend could not be surpassed. I had such high hopes and my oh my were they lived up to. I’ve punctuated my journey with some nice Google Image Search results. Who needs holiday snaps? Pah.

Despite everyone’s warnings that its slightly colder up north I still headed off in flip flops and a summer dress. Its very very cold in Liverpool, despite it being seemingly surrounded by industrial waste chimneys.

We spent the evening watching Mr Swish’s (hot) little brother play Richard Gere in Chicago. It was a bit raunchy, all these 17-year-old girls in fishnets and suspenders. Blimey. There were a lot of uncomfortable looking dads in the audience. His parents encouraged us to stay up until 2 in the morning drinking gin, they are so much more hardcore than me.

We headed to Blackpool on Sunday feeling very tired and quite hungover but massively excited. Well, I was anyway, Swish was still trying to tell me it would be shit and full of chavs. The first café we went into was playing PJ & Duncan, a sure sign that this was going to be a truly amazing adventure.

blackpool pleasure-beach-photoA long walked down the beach to the Pleasure Beach proved that Blackpool is made up of pram faces and very unattractive people. They all walked about either in total silence looking glum or shouting at each other.
blackpool hotelThe promenade itself is really odd, the town centre looks roughly like any other town, with the same chain stores. But the sea front plays host to a film set like time warp. Its full of arcades, bingo halls, greasy spoons and b&bs. None of the facades have changed in the last 30 years, nothing strives to be anything new or to change. Its all just stayed exactly the same.

After a long walk and many nerves on my count we found ourselves stood at the entrance to The Pepsi Big One rollercoaster. Standing at an impressive 213 foot tall, with a drop angle of 65 degrees, and nice old 3.5Gs force and only a seatbelt and a bar holding you in, it is a lot of fun. At some points I really did think I was going to die. I’m usually ok on rollercoasters when theyre in theme parks, it’s the (pikey) ones on the end of piers that scare me. Clearly, I didn’t die. It was fine, I even splashed out on buying a commerative keyring that I will happily show anyone if they ask.

blackpool jellyGreen tea sensibilities were swapped for a love of fat in Pizza Hut, then a walk along the beach at dusk was a must. We even saw a beached jellyfish.

We met back up with Swish’s party hard family for coin pushing machine fun and the illuminations. I was less excited about the illuminations than I was about seeing Blackpool itself. We missed McFly turn them on a few weeks ago and frankly theyre not very eco are they?

But I was still impressed. Sure, they’re shit, and the idea of neon devils and cherubs adorning a street is hardly my idea of a design feat but they are fun. They even have light up aliens with spinning heads who fire ‘lasers’ (read: stream of fairy lights – Blackpool haven’t got laser technology yet) at each other.


September 16, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 9:36 am

I’ve arrived very early at work this morning, doing the good and dutiful employee thing. Today I have more work to do than I think may be physically achievable, though I’m pretty sure that spending 10 minutes writing an LJ update won’t help these matters. I’ve also had about 6 hours sleep in the last 2 days so my normal green or nettle tea is being bravely replaced by a lovely cup of coffee toxins.

I went to some snazzy press screening of Corpse Bride last night, the new animated Tim Burton/Johnny Depp thing. It was exactly what you would expect of it – quite dark, lots of lamenting about being dead but having a heart and some quite cheesy songs. It got a bit too Lloyd-Webber at points. CGI wise, its perfect and quite mind-blowing, but its just not very interesting plot wise. It’ll spawn a huge range of merchandise dolls though I imagine.

Tonight I’m off to the Art Brut Battle Of The Franchises gig in Kilburn. An evening of little professionalism, lots of band line up swapping and lots of drinking and dancing probably. The words “Art Brut! Top Of The Pops!” may be muttered once or twice over the course of the night.

Tomorrow brings with it my Great Big Northern Adventure. I’ve never been further north than Alton Towers but that will all change by about midday tomorrow, I’m going to Liverpool and Blackpool. I have dug out my Burberry, got my hoop earrings out, pulled my hair back into a tight hair sprayed ponytail and I’m ready. Sorry, that’s a little snobby of me isn’t it? In all honesty I am really excited about it, especially Blackpool. I want to go on the roller coaster, see the lights, ride a donkey, get some candyfloss and maybe play some bingo. Mr Swish assures me that Blackpool is shit but I refuse to believe him.

In other news my mother’s bees have started to produce honey.

Oh yes, and the new Lisa Scott-Lee single is actually really good.


September 13, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 10:59 am

Last night was the first gig I’ve been to in about a month. I think that’s the longest no gig time for about 2 years now. My ears were not happy, the complained all the way home, ringing and hurting. I’m just not as hardcore as I used to be. (She says whilst drinking her organic green tea).

The night kicked off drinking cider (again organic) in Soho Square park and watching pikey boys piss into the bushes. I’ve realised I quite enjoy cider, it doesn’t taste of vomit like beer tends to. I think I may have found a contender for my whiskey love.

The gig opened with Twisted Charm who, if I’m honest, are starting to bore me a little. Maybe I’ve just seen them too many times. When Nathan left stage doing his rock diva thing again I just wondered if they really deserve as much of my love as I give them. Sure, the songs are ace, I love Sexual Sax, and Nathan’s hair is something amazing, but I need a little more than nee-naw-nee-naw ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra.

I hadn’t seen Black Wire in about 2 months and had forgotten everything about them. When they kicked into Hard To Love, I realised I’d even forgotten it was their song. Its been so long since I went to Frog. Their lead singer is still hot hot hot, and the best wiggling dancer ever. He has a great ass in some lovely jeans. I definitely like them more than Twisted Charm at the moment.

They did get a bit Donny Osmond on us though “Did you all like Twisted Charm? Are you looking forward to Test-Icicles? You guys have been great! You’ve made me day! You’re all so raucous! If you all dance we’ll get on the cover of Artrocker.” Hmmm…way to play the crowd.

Whilst I was still clutching my half pint of cider (I am too broke to drink at the moment) Test-Icicles came bounding on, to the accompaniment of some very epic sounding drums. Mmm…manly. They were fucking brilliant. It made the days when we used to go and see them when they only had three songs since like an age ago. They have so many songs now, they couldn’t even play them all. Shocking.

Sam is still lush and has the best hair ever. Despite their between songs ramblings and banter they sounded really tight. They knew what they were doing, Dev didn’t pass out from blood loss, and they shouted. Boy oh boy, they shouted. It was so so good.

We left after that cos Ex Models suck. We even saw Tom & Paul Artrocker leaving after Test-Icicles and its their fucking night! Honestly, such little dedication.

Today is not massively busy, though it probably should be. I’m living in fear of NME turning up to work some time this morning and me being very embarrassed by it.

I’m interviewing Kid Carpet for Artrocker on Thursday, so if anyone has anything good they think I should ask him then please do tell me. At the moment my brain is in neutral and I can’t think of anything worthwhile to ask him.