Big Yellow Tutu

April 27, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 5:31 pm

I am completely on top of all my coursework!!!

Dissertation is pretty much finished.
Dull work on different ways to tune guitars and where to put frets is finished.
How to sell Chinese made carpets to Europe is finished.

Leaving me with…

Regular Temperaments vs Irregular Temperaments essay to do.
Also how to set up a Rough Trade outlet in Tokyo.

Hurrah! I am a happy girl now.

The job interview from hell is on Friday so I’m not going out until Saturday, so there won’t be much for me to write about until then but the Frog birthday party on Saturday and then that PSP Union gig on Sunday should be nicely messy.

I saw this on Monday and have been meaning to post it for a few days:

He was going mad in that puddle. Having a proper paddle and shake around. I stood and watched him for about 10 mins, jealous that I didn’t have a pool to shake around in. He was spinning quite a bit too, I didn’t think pigeons could spin.

I also saw George Galloway today, he wasn’t spinning at all, just walking down Brick Lane talking to another overweight man.

I went to the Robert Crumb exhibition on my way home this afternoon, they weren’t kidding when they said it was the biggest collection of his work ever. I am going to have to go back and have another look next week, I might go and watch the documentary they’re showing too. It’s a fantastic exhibition, great fun. All his ladies have very very big bottoms.

Through the wonders of google image search heres some of his stuff. I chose all the sex related ones because I have the mind of a 12 year old boy …

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Theres some more pics on his site, which can be found here…


April 25, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 6:57 pm

Hurrah. Via the lovely people at the guardian now all my friends have Glastonbury tickets. Bring on the excitement. Bring on the Tesco value whiskey. Bring on the Kylie. I could not be any happier.

This year will be my fifth Glastonbury – how old and hardcore am I? Last years was pretty shit, it hailed, the line up sucked (it being exactly as the year before but just everyone bumped up a slot) and I was totally not in the mood for it. But this year it will be different. 2005 will be the best year ever. I am totally excited.

Aside from the obvious Kylie, Art Brut and BYOP fun I am very much looking forward to:

Bright Eyes – he played at Glasto a couple of years back when I had no idea who he was. One of my wiser friends convinced me to go and see him and I fell in love straight away. Sexy and heart wrenching. Perfect.

M.I.A – she is going to be fucking brilliant. I am gonna drink myself silly for her set and dance like a crazed buffalo.

The Rakes – queue shouting Strasbourg as loud as I can all weekend. It’s the new slogan of choice you know.

Tyler James – pop boy extraordinaire with the biggest hair ever.

The Jaipur Kawa Brass Band – only to throw stuff at them for not being my marching band. We will play one year.

Once a hip-hop dance tip I plan to shake dat ting to:
DJ Format, Skinnyman, Krafty Kutz, Squarepusher, Four Tet and Husky Rescue. Though I shall avoid Cassetteboy – I am old enough to not find word mashups making sentences about cocks and balls funny anymore.

Lady Sovereign is a must on my list. Gonna wear these earrings in tribute:

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I am also going to wear my Kylie pants for Kylie. I better not lose them though, I used to own two pairs and somehow lost one pair. Christ knows how.

There is now only 8 or 9 weeks to go. By then I hope to have a flat, a job, some money and longer hair.


April 24, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 6:31 pm

I wake too often to a thumping head, a reeling stomach and the sight of last night’s make up still caked on my face. If only drinking just wasn’t so much fun.

Today’s delicate state was caused by yesterdays massive over exertions. Moving CDs about for 9 hours, and grudgingly having to put Akon at number one in the album charts (despite its current single sounding like a ringtone) left me a little worse for wear. Stinking of sweat, dust and plastic I rushed home for takeaway Chinese and a very speedy bath. Thnakfully the Pleasure Unit is only a few doors away from my flat and today hosted another all dayer for Tsunami charities.

I got there just in time to see the Art Goblins who I’d been assured would be more shambolic than ever. And after their set at the Elbow Rooms a few months back when they couldn’t keep their drummer conscious to play to their audience of fifteen people, I was expecting the worst.

It was an odd experience, again another empty room, but this time some level of sobriety from the band. It was a short acoustic set. Quite fun – These Animal Menswear and Fuck the MSP still sounding great but completely overshadowed by the fantastic While My Keyboard Guitar Gently Weeps.

Video Club were up next and I was a little sceptical, almost on the verge of going home. Being on my own at the gig I kept necking vodkas and by now was thinking that just slowing down before Frog was a good idea. But I kept being assured that Video Club were worth seeing and how right they were. I was not expecting to hear electronic disco filth. They were just fantastic. Matt, their singer extraordinaire, is a very sexy little man, and dances like a beast. I was totally won over by their set, so much as to sing their praises to my Glen Miller loving flatmates. They weren’t so keen surprisingly. Idiots. They don’t know what they’re missing. Fuck Har Mar – Video Club all the way.

A man who I was told was something to do with David Devant appeared on stage in a cape next. He could sing well. But I have no idea who he was and was pretty dull really, especially when he took the cape off to reveal a striped polo shirt.

Over the last few months this LJ has been an account of how angry I get at missing Ciccone but now all this can change. I had my Ciccone live cherry popped once and for all. I love Ciccone. Rebekah is gorgeous and their set totally lived up to my hopes after listening to their album almost non-stop. They did covers of Willy Mason’s Oxygen and Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. Yum yum yum. The confetti girls had run out of their paper scraps and by now had taken to scooping it up off the stage and re-throwing it. Not a classy look but I still love them.

Back home I went for a diva style costume change, a little (lot) more drinking and convincing mr swish into going to frog. And maybe a smidgen of listening to Britney.

Frog was empty but i did get the singer of Nine Black Alps for Popstar Feets But only just, I was too drunk to work my camera and the photo I’ve got pretty much misses most of his shoes and instead is more of a Popstar Legs photo. It did mean I missed out getting the shoes of the lovely lovely Paula Chalets with my battery dying after only one photo that night. She is so nice and MUST send me a photo of her shoes when she finds a camera.

Frog was empty, with the exception of Mr Swish I don’t think anyone knew who the Roger Sisters were. Probably for the best, they sounded like they’d only ever listened to Rapture’s House of Jealous Lovers and only ever watched Sonia videos. Boring.

As usual, age caught up on us and we decided to leave early with a stomach full of dodgy cocktails from pitchers and cheap whiskey. I had a really nice night though, met tonnes of lovely people at the Pleasure Unit, the rock n roll idiots have stopped playing Hounds of Love and I feel very happy, blissful and full of smiles.


April 18, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 3:36 pm

I love Britney. I even have a badge to prove this.

Britney is worthy of mention for two reasons today:

1)The pregnancy.
I’m gutted by this. It was supposed to be Justin’s. Kevin is a bit thuggish looking. A Britney and Justin baby would have been beautiful. Look how pretty they were together…

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13 years time and their offspring could have taken over the pop universe and made us all happy. No child of Kevin’s is going to rule pop. But I gotta give Britney some credit – I love her for her trailer trash qualities. Only my nan could rival getting drunk at Vegas, getting married, getting it annulled the next day (I still don’t believe they didn’t have sex that night). She puts on weight, starts smoking, takes to wearing trucker caps and bleaching her hair to cher point. She gets married again and is now expecting a kid.

2) Her blog.
Or the ‘Stream of Consciousness’ as they call it. Drip of Consciousness would have been a better name, she updates about every month or so. But its worth it when she does. Here are my favourite bits:

24/02/05 (written by her mum): “I know the weather has been wreaking havoc all over the world, so I hope everyone is safe. Please remember to keep all of the tsunami victims in your prayers.”

-Weather causing tsunamis???

11/02/05: “I’ve been having so much fun with my mom lately. We’ve been indulging ourselves with the simple pleasures of life.”

– She’s been sleeping with her mum???

11/02/05: “my dogs are stylin’ and profilin’ because Von Dutch just sent them the coolest little clothes!”

11/02/05: “I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day with the one you love. But if you’re single, just round up a group of your friends and grab some low-fat Blue Bell ice cream. It’s the best!!”

– As sponsored by…

03/01/05: “I’ve been working on writing and hopefully eventually directing a musical which makes fun of the whole Hollywood scene, which is appropriately titled “Hollywood””

– Genius.


April 16, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 7:23 pm

The first reading of last night’s gig listing made my young heart race: Art Brut, Clor and Black Wire – all on one night? Fantastic. Where Where Where?


No, they couldn’t have meant that. It must have been some kind of typing error. But no, it seemed my time to enter the strange new world of superclubs was about to arrive.

After three or four costume changes, trying to decide on something borderline chav borderline pretty; after half a kilo of gin; after a day of trying to feel brave about it all; we finally left. I’d read warning after warning about the labyrinthine ways of Fabric but I hadn’t taken heed of these warnings, and the sight of a million staircases threw me into confusion. Escher would have loved this place.

Tiny corridors join up the thousands of bars that seem to grace every spare corner and somehow we found the gig area, just in time for Black Wire. Since seeing them at Koko a month or so back, they are still very skinny, have very good cheekbones and are still absolutely brilliant.

Like Vincent, Vincent & the Villains, Clor were one of those bands who, not matter how hard I tried, I just kept missing them. We tried to see them a year ago at the Windmill and ended up catching only the badly dressed Sluts of Trust. We tried to see them at the Barfly before Christmas and got there too late. But, surrounded by a very drugged audience, finally found myself in front of them. The lead singer looks very much like a Shiver-era Chris Martin but that’s about where the parallels end. They are very noisy and very good. Slightly angry looking too. They look like the kind of band that should own pitbulls.

Time bounced about a bit here and the next thing I remember is Art Brut suddenly being on stage. One song in and the guy next to me asked if was a Battle of the Bands gig. Fuck knows what kind of high standard Battles he’d been to before – because Art Brut were superb. One of the best gigs I’ve seen them do. The sound was perfect, you could hear every word Eddie poured out. Oddly, he kept getting groinally groped by some girls at the front. Proper hands on cock stuff.

I was so happy after their set, especially after hearing the Art Brut album for the first time only the day before and being blown away by just how great it sounds. They’ve done a really really good job of it. Rusted Guns of Milan sounds so so so so good.

The real Emily Kane was there too (for you hello style gossipmongers – she is a very tiny girl with dark brown hair). Eddie looked nervous but (and here I’ll throw caution to the wind and risk him reading this) he also looked really really good. New haircut and nice black shirt. Much nicer than the boys whose clothes helped us play Ben Sherman Bingo.

So today I feel ropey. The prospect of Frog is about as pleasing as the feeling of scurvy that is gracing my body today.

It wouldn’t all be so doom worthy if I hadn’t have gone out on Thursday night too. But The Proud Gallery exhibition opening party promised free booze, Metro Riots, The Rakes and photos of our favourite scummy band boys looking glamorous in photos.

The Rakes dropped out, though were spotted walking around the exhibition, lazy fools. Metro Riots were great, and still sound like Merry Go Round horses with S&M habits. But the highlight of the evening had to be the shoes element. I’m not giving anything away but I shall say that Popstar Feets has gone all A List. For those of you waiting for a PF update, I’m sorry – a technical hitch with a memory card reader is delaying proceedings somewhat.

The cumulative effect of all this gig going means my skin is grey, my painted toe nails are chipped, my hair is fraying from over straightening and the bags under my eyes are sinking as low as my bank balance. I’ve started writing for Artrocker now too, so the gigs must continue. A few coffees and a shepherds pie and I’ll be fine for Battle tonight. Lather, rinse and repeat tomorrow to see Art Goblins at Koko. I’m beginning to think that doing my dissertation, writing for two music mags and my uni paper, doing Popstar Feets, being in a marching band, doing work experience and keeping down a job all at once was a little too ambitious. Oh well, so long as I find a spare minute to repaint my toes I’ll be happy.


April 11, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 9:57 pm

Art Goblins were missed out on for a night of nice food and comfy sofas at chris’. I must have been shattered, he gave me a blanket when I sat on the sofa and that’s the last thing I remember. I fell straight asleep. I ended up getting 14 hours kip. Lovely.

We had a bit of a posho day on Sunday, heading over to Portobello Road in Notting Hill for the Sunday market there. For those of you who have never been it’s not so much a market as just a lot of shops that open on Sundays. They sell mainly antiques and jewellery though most of the shops could have just put all their wares into one retail outlet and everyone would have been happy. There’s not that much need for old military badges surely? Being Notting Hill there are also hundreds of nice pubs, bars and cafes where the tanned and sun glasses adorned locals can sit and be gazed upon by the hordes of white socked tourists.

Mr swish and I played willing and sat in these bars, drank wine in the sunshine and ate falafels on their obscenely clean streets. In these London parts people queue for the electronic public toilets rather than cross the street to avoid their stench.

I’m in a bit of a pickle housing wise at the moment, with my flat mates moving out at the end of May and not knowing anyone who either needs anywhere to live or anyone who has a spare room. Walking around Notting Hill made me want to get a high paid job and move somewhere leafy. I love Bethnal Green, I really do but The Hill is pretty. I found a little side road I want to live on – it looks just like a Cornish postcard. I’d like the pink house please.

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April 9, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 7:02 pm

I am so very very sleepy. There are just too many gigs.

After Thursday night at The Pleasure Unit I spent most of Friday panic writing some coursework on Pythagoras and also deciding who to place my bets on for the Grand National. I usually go for the horse with a fun name but its not a guaranteed success story. Last year Blowing Wind didn’t even finish. So this year I thought I’d employ some logic to proceedings and find out a little info on the horses and which ones were actually likely to win.

Queue exploring the BBC sports site and working out which lucky horse got my hopes. I went for the girls option with Forest Gunner and Strong Resolve. They came 5th and 17th respectively. Oh well. The favourite won. That never happens.

Friday night was spent at a ‘secret warehouse party’ over in Elephant & Castle. We queued in the cold outside for too long, why can’t venues get their asses in gear over this? We don’t want to queue.

I always expect warehouse parties to look like actual warehouses not like wine bars but I am always proved wrong. This one had art on the walls, a great soundsystem, a proper dj/sound mixing bit, painted walls, good lighting and a proper stage. If it weren’t for the fact that one of the bars was just a table you could have been forgiven for thinking it was never a warehouse.

I think Ivich Lives were on first. I was too confused by the act of having to swap money for tokens and then tokens for drinks to concentrate on them. The Rocks were next. As good as ever. Never disappoint. James climbed about, Sarah looked brilliantly sultry and the Confetti Girls showered them in well…confetti.

The venue was packed and by the time Vincent Vincent & the Villains surfaced I could not see a thing. This was very upsetting; I’d been looking forward to seeing them for so long. By this point I’d swapped considerable amounts of tokens for Smirnoff Ices and lost track of what bands were playing. We just kept drinking. And getting balloons of laughing gas. And then kept drinking some more. And some more…

I woke up with lips that told me I thought chips and chilli sauce on a cold night were a good idea and a head that said they put nothing natural into Smirnoff Ices. My alarm going off at 8am for work was almost followed with a call pretending to be ill but my morals kicked in and somehow I lasted the day.

Tonight I’m supposed to be going to see the Art Goblins at Guided Missile but I can barely keep my eyes open. I can feel myself nodding off as I type. I hate working Saturdays.