Big Yellow Tutu

March 31, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 4:49 pm

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The clash of the titans occurred last night: geri halliwell vs eddie argos. Go to see the art goblins or do my new geri yoga video. Of course, my choice was on the art goblins route but mean old sven had different ideas. In future I shall ask him to not put the football on when theres good gigs to go to: mr swish’s priorities always lie with the chav boys on the pitch rather than the pretty boys on the stage. Hmph.

The geri yoga vid is surprisingly good. I did yoga twice a week for about a year but haven’t done it for 2 years and decided that it was about time I did something about my Christmas thighs. I fell over lots, standing on one leg whilst pointing your hands to the sky and looking up all at the same time is tough.

Tonight my morals are torn again: mr cornetto’s birthday do over at Brixton with Rhesus and Prozak at the Windmill or Dustin’s Bar Mitzvah, 10,000 things, Thee Unstrung et al over at the Rhythm Factory. The smacktory won – on propinquity rather than anything else. I’m so sorry Alex!!!

I just heard Abs – ‘Stop Sign’ on CBBC. I forgot what a good song that is.


March 29, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 7:16 pm

Now I don’t want to sound like a London snob but what I am about to say will have this effect: there is nothing to do in Chichester. I’m a little bored already. Sunday was spent sleeping and drinking tonnes of water at Easter dinner while everyone else smugly tucked into their champagne and wine. Monday was spent outside the cathedral in the sun, then moving onto the beer garden of Whetherspoons for a sneaky pre-4pm drink. Went Hogshead in the evening, listened to both the Razorlight and Kaiser Chiefs albums on their jukebox, graciously got picked up by my little sister and taken home.

Today was a day I was a little dreading – my last haircut ever with my favourite hairdresser in the whole world. He’s leaving the hairdressers to go somewhere new and miles away. Now I gave him the site address of Popstar Feets and I’m a little worried he may click through to here from it so I can’t enthuse about just how beautiful he is for too long but needless to say I’m gutted. Talented, beautiful and manly hairdressers are not easy to find. I may cry. He sometimes straddles you a little when he cuts your fringe.

Renting out ‘Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen’ and indulging in a little Lindsay Lohan healed my broken heart a little. It is truly amazing how big her breasts are. The film is less racist than ‘Mean Girls’ but still not entirely morally sound. The lead character, Lola, tells lots of lies to get attention and then gets annoyed when no one believes her truths. She doesn’t really overcome her lying and own up, instead she sulks for a while, stars in the school play and works out a way to prove that her latest story was real. My film geek friends complained all the way through it, desperate to watch Oldboy or the directors cut of Dawn Of The Dead. Oh well, you can’t educate pork as my dad says.

Tonight there are people trying to convince me to go out to Chichester’s only club, a barn in the middle of a field that plays Bon Jovi every week. I’m tempted but have to be up at 6am tomorrow, so it may not be a good idea. I do have a great dress to wear though, so maybe I should go.

As gar as gigs go this week I can’t remember what else I’m doing aside from going to see Art Goblins tomorrow at the Rhythm Factory. So excited about that. Mr Swish is being a boring old sod and staying in to watch the footie instead. Well, his loss, its going to be loads of fun.

For now, with my last 13 hours left in Sussex I am going to indulge in my mother’s decadently big bath, loads of bubbles, a glass of wine and read Lolita (which I managed to pick up for £2 in my favourite bookshop – baaaarrrgaaain). I will let my mum cook for me and let my dad drive me into town, then sit in the pub with all my friends and get upset about how much I’m going to miss them until the next set of holidays come round.


March 28, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 6:13 pm

I love polaroid cameras. Screw this digital revolution, polaroid is the way forward. And especially for your vewing pleasure – some pictures of Saturday night that prove that over the last 6 years since the long forgotten GCSEs we have not matured at all.

PS. the quality was not this ropey when I scanned them. useless flickr. going to get photobucket working in future. pah. sorry. xxx


March 27, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 1:39 pm

With a headache from hell I do the obligatory ‘gone back to home to parents for easter’ post.

After Thursday’s debauchery I had vowed not to drink again until easter Sunday, when I could indulge in the pleasures of my dads nice wine collection. Oh, if only I had some discipline. The temptation of a party was too much for me, and the temptation of vodka was apparently strong enough to make me drink tonnes of the stuff.

We danced, people kept calling me Nathan Barley simply because I run a novelty music site (stupid narrow minded non-londonites), we played truth or dare, I spat vodka in someone’s face, only to have beer poured down my top, I argued with ex-boyfriend and got to sleep at 7 this morning. I feel slightly less than chirpy now. The immanency of the family/friends easter dinner is starting to dawn on me. I’m a little worried that if I keep up this level of alcohol injection into my body I may never live past 40.

I need to spend more days like Friday, when I stayed in, tidied and mr swish and I played monopoly instead of going out. I thrashed him by the way. I wanted to go to the Ciccone gig over in Brixton but never made it, didn’t even make it to the Long Blondes gig and that was only 10 doors away from my house.

Too much alcohol and too much laziness is not a good combination. I’m going to go running in the morning. In my cowboy boots as I didn’t bring any trainers home.


March 25, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 4:51 pm

Easter bank holiday is always the messiest of all public holidays. Noone is entirely sure of its religious significance and, short of easter eggs, it has no real traditions that have to be upheld. Drinking and debauchery seem to be the order of the day.

We kicked the proceedings off in Great Portland St with Mr Swish’s work colleagues. Of all conversations to walk in on, they were talking about torture methods when I got to the pub. I didn’t know that being drawn meant having your stomach sliced open and your intestines pulled out slowly. Yum yum. More friends arrived and after a few drinks and worries voiced about getting Glastonbury tickets this year we decided it was about time to head over to Infinity. Not without stopping for a McDonalds first though. A healthy dinner.

Infinity was listed as opening at half 8, and worrying about it being busy we got there just before 9. Apparently this was far far too late, we had to queue outside for almost an hour and a half. Though we were close to turning around and giving up many times in the queue we somehow made it into the venue, not without complaining and being given free drinks by the door man.

Semi-finalists were on first and as none of us were bothered about seeing them we headed down to their basement for drinks. It was surprisingly empty in the venue, god knows why they were letting people inside so slowly.

Test-icicles were on next and we were all less than sober but very excited, Test-icicles are really really good. They have a drum machine, a big keyboard synth type instrument and two guitars and are really heavy, but also quite funky and electronica sounding. Their lead singer is also the prettiest thing you’ll ever see.

They appeared on stage only to spend 2 minutes sorting themselves out and getting the right amount of dry ice for the set. Something was wrong from the first minute of their set, the vocals were REALLY low and they all looked really irate. When the second song started everyone could see trouble was ahead. Dev, their sometimes keyboard, sometimes guitarist was looking worse for wear and from the looks that the pretty Sam was throwing him, Dev wasn’t playing what he should be. Sam got angrier and more confused, barely even attempting to sing. About 2 minutes into the song Dev fell down on the floor. I’m too short to see exactly what happened, some say he tripped and hit his head, some say he collapsed. Whatever happened, the set of course finished. People were called over to help Dev, who at this point was lying prostrate on the floor not really moving much.

Rumour has it that there was nothing wrong with Dev at all and he just pretended to collapse because the sound quality was so bad that they didn’t want to carry on. It would make sense, they had a really big crowd there to see them, it was a high-profile gig for them and such shitty sound wouldn’t have done their reputation any good. A mid gig collapse does create a bit of drama about the band though. Maybe I’m just being a bit cold hearted on this, and people wouldn’t really feign collapsing to get out of a gig but this is what the rumour mill produced last night.

Be Your Own Pet have been massively hyped, with a big article in NME on them. I hadn’t read it yet (or that scary looking one on art brut either) so I knew very little about them aside from the single Damn Damn Leash. They were incredible, and its not often that I say that. The lead singer is amazing, truly beautiful. She looks a little like a pretty version of Ashlee Simpson, just with a better nose. Incredibly thin and athletic looking, she made all the girls in the venue hold their stomachs in during the set. They’ve just been put in a list of Rolling Stone’s Top 10 bands to watch at the moment and in post SXSW world, everyone is talking about them. Deservedly so, I enjoyed them thoroughly, really raunchy and fun. They have a powerhouse of a guitarist in Jonas too, he was brilliant.

Dancing and talking to internet friends, and I imagine a bus journey home followed. The four of us staggered through my flat door at about half 3 I think, all miserably worse for wear, dreading how we’d feel the next morning. Its twenty five to five now, I’ve just managed to eat a big fry up. Not from E Pellicci’s though – closed for Good Friday damn them. I want to go over to the windmill for the BBQ and Ciccone and The Pipettes but not sure how much I could cope with it. I’m working tomorrow at 9am, getting the train back to Chichester when I finish at 6pm only to go home for half an hour then head to a party. After that is Easter Sunday with family and friends, its going to be a long weekend. But maybe that’s what Easter is for. Jesus died and rose again so we could overindulge – right?


March 24, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 11:27 am

There are days when I wonder how the entire country manages to work at all. How we manage to live our day to day lives in relative harmony. How we all travel around and communicate with each other fairly simply. It’s a miracle really when there are such idiots in the world.

I ordered a text book on the internet which was due to arrive before Christmas. One morning I got one of those “you were out” notices left by the post men and so trekked on foot to my local post office. I queued for ages only to be told that although I had waited the required 72 hours before collecting my post it hadn’t arrived at the sorting office yet. “come back at the end of the week” barked the man behind the counter. Ok. Obediently I went back at the end of the week. “still not here love”. Apparently a week and a half was not long enough time to drive a parcel half a mile up the road. They took my number and told me they’d call me when it arrived. A week later – nothing. Went to the sorting office again, getting soaked in the rain on the way. Still nothing, and it had now taken so long it was officially lost.

So back home I trekked, lost post claim form in hand. Got all the thousands of details they wanted for the form (time of posting, weight, blood group, colour of socks wearing today…). I handed it in at my local post office where the girl behind the counter took it, looked at me and said “what is it?”. Shocked, I explained what it was and that apparently they had to send it off. She just agreed and put it on a shelf, clearly having no idea what to do with my form.

Two and a half months have passed since all this, I’ve been going to my local post office every week and asking whats happened to it. The first time I went in and asked how long it took for a response from the claims department, the girl asked me how long ago I submitted it, two to three weeks ago I answered. Well it takes about two to three weeks then, was her useful reply. Right…

Every time I went along, they told me it takes ages for the forms to come back. At the end of my tether this morning I asked for the post office customer support phone number. Got put straight through to a really charming man who told me my post office hadn’t even sent the form off yet! He gave me their direct address and told me it will take 5 days to hear from them.

I still had to go back to the post office to get another form though. I asked for one form and an envelope. The girl replied “you know we can send these off for free here?”. My opportunity to yell “I did that almost 3 months ago, never heard anything back, just phoned the head office who said you never bothered to post it”. The response I got: a grunt from a curled up indignant face and then the back of her head as she turned and walked away. I guess an apology would be too much to ask.

Even at my shitty Saturday job I get yelled at if I say cheers rather than thank you. Where are manners? How do these people get employed anywhere? How can they lose my post and then manage to lose the claim form for the lost post too? All the postal system does is move things from one place to another – how hard can that be?

My anger is coupled with the fact that the builder who made me spend all day waiting for him to arrive yesterday called at 9pm last night to tell me he “forgot” to come and fix our bathroom. Why does everyone have to be so inept? All I ask for is a little efficiency. I may go and live in Germany.


March 23, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — helenium @ 5:19 pm

Really? Why does this kind of thing have to happen? The week I decide not go to to frog and who should turn up but ALL OF MCFLY!!! I love McFly and not just in an omg harry is da sex kinda way. Room on the 3rd floor is a really great album, with Saturday Night probably being my favourite track. I can’t believe they were there. I could have got a photo of their shoes, had sex with harry (and maybe danny at the same time) in the toilets. Though getting them past that grumpy lady who works in the girls loos might have been a bit of a mission. Harry doesn’t need Lindsay lohan, ok so im not rich, my boobs are considerably smaller, and I can’t act as the opportunity for McFly breaking America but I can cook and currently have clean sheets on my bed. Clean sheets that smell nice too (I bought some of those comfort pearl fabric conditioner things). I bet lohan’s sheets smell of parmesan or something as equally unsavoury.

To rid myself of envy, regret and jealousy I am going to make a mcfly & busted b sides collection for one of my friends in Chichester for when I go back home on Saturday.

The track listing is so far as follows:

1. Help
2. Obviously (acoustic)
3. Get Over You
4. She Loves You
5. You’ve Got A Friend
6. All About You (not a b side at all but nevermind)
7. Crazy Little Thing Called Love
8. Deck The Halls

1. Mummy Trade
2. Peaches
3. Let It Go
4. Fun Fun Fun
5. Late Night Sauna
6. Year 3000 (acoustic)
7. Brown Eyed Girl
8. Where Is The Love?
9. Fall At Her Feet
10. Build Me Up Buttercup
11. That’s Entertainment
12. Mrs Robinson

I’m not going to put them in that order though of course. When you have a look through and think “surely they couldn’t have covered XXXXX – it must just be the same title”, they did indeed cover it. Where Is The Love is hilarious. Busted rapping.

If anyone wants a copy and is going to either the windmill or infinity this week just shout, ill make you one. It will change your life.

Well, so much for making my blog more serious and less fan girl.